“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.” – Dale Carnegie
Yeah! Alright buddy. Next time Jim Bob down the street takes his angle grinder to my rain gutters at 3AM, I’m going to approach it from a place of understanding. After all:
“Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”
And that’s true. There but for the grace of an ounce of meth go I. How does one even get to be a guy like Dale Carnegie? (Practice practice practice)
“But faceless blogger,” you say, “We’re not talking about being nice to people. We’re talking about winning friends and/or influencing people and not necessarily to an equal degree nor in that order, and not necessarily at the same time or in the same place.”
To that I say: “You’re rambling. Reel it in, I don’t have all day.” I also say: “Maybe this wins friends, but does it influence people…does it? ” Then you glaze your eyes at me like cattle. And I sigh.
Back when I was The Prince I used to know this guy called Niccolo Machiavelli and he used to tell me it’s better to be loved than feared so maybe.
Wait…fuck, I just checked my notes and I got that exactly backwards. I don’t know how to use the backspace key so this bitch is going to keep rolling right along.
I mean I guess that’s why all of these executive types with their massive amounts of influence are best known for their doe-eyed cheery morning dispositions.
Not loudly yelling crude jokes about their balls on a conference call, while intimidating subordinates and smacking asses of secretaries.
I do know these types are often referred to as Machiavellian and almost never Carnegian. And it’s not just because that doesn’t roll off the tongue.
And it’s not like we don’t crave criticism. Wait that sounds bad. It’s not in like an “Oh, daddy yes! Review my performance!” kind of way. It’s more like “If I’m fucking up I need to know now and not when you fire me.”
You know how when you tell your girlfriend “I’m not a fucking mind reader!” Well first, the thing we always forget to leave out is that if we were mind readers, it wouldn’t matter, because we still wouldn’t be listening. But also that’s how not being criticized is.
Every now and then someone in your life needs to tell you “Here at AAAA Construction, we sincerely believe it’s a bad idea to drop a porta potty through the client’s roof with a crane on a drunken lunchtime bet.”
And if no one tells you, I guarantee you won’t stop.
Could it be possible that true influence doesn’t just require discomfort and conflict, but maybe even thrives in it?
Just pay attention to which playbook you see the rich and powerful follow.
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